Something I think I’ve not done a lot of, being a bit of an introvert, is give an explanation of how I came to do what I do … but seeing as I increasingly feel I need to provide a bit of a background story, here goes :)
My inner journey started rather abruptly.
At four years old, I had zero knowledge of spirituality, other than Christmas trees, and a picture book of angels living in inviting fluffy cloud cities, baking cookies for good kids below. Pouring over that book for hours, I remember clearly how the cloud/fractal realms in that book reminded me of ‘somewhere’. Somewhere I yearned for. It felt so strong to me. My uncle even remembers me crying and pointing to the pages, saying I wanted to go home.
And that ‘home’ was part of an inner experience I’d had earlier …
It wasn’t a literal heaven I remembered. I mean, not a specifically Christian one, and likely just in my mind. It was a golden-lit bridge that led over a vast expansive sea, and led to a place where I got used to not walking on anything solid. While the bridge faded away, the whole area looked like a fractal tree of ever-opening, unfurling vistas … from the inside. The part I was aware of being in became featureless. Teaching me what vastness meant. Here, the light permeating the vastness was amber in colour. Sometimes less dense, and creamy gold. Sometimes more dense, and red. Electric.
And way ahead, bright and pearl-white. An area I wasn’t allowed to go. A mind (a part of me?), enveloped in a drape of this viscous light, spread its arm-like waves of intent out at where I was. It gently but firmly let me know that if I ventured too far into that light, I would actually be joining the dead, and I possibly shouldn’t do that at this time.
There were no eyes, no mouth, no features. Everything was simply made of fabric-light.